he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
