I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.