I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street