Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.