I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.