you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
