I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.