...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."