I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go