Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her