omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
