Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.