Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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