He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
