When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.