Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.