Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
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Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them