yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
