I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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