Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.