the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
