I met the friendliest cop last night
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
