you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
