Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol