It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.