To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.