Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me