I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
