There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
