who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.