Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike