When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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