We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.