I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!