hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!