Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
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I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
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Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.