I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?