I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.