I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?