How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.