we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
