she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
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my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
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During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.