He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
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how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
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You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."