THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
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I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity