by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.