how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I am in a vortex of obligation.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.