Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
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I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
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Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness