Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...