I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.