I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.