Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.