woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!