I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?