He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly