I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.