i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
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I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
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Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
be right there i have to get my cape
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.