so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
be right there i have to get my cape
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights