i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name