I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.