he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.