You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.