Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
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are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
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walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.