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Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
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