Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.