when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"