Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom