What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
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I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
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so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....