She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.