I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot