I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot