the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.