Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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